One of the distinct things I remember about first moving to San Francisco is the isolation. New city, new job, and your closest friends are thousands of miles away. After a few weeks, I finally started to get into a groove — work became more routine, it didn't ruin my day when a homeless person yelled at me, and I even stopped converting USD to CAD! Social apps, however, still made me feel like I was missing out on something.
There were some evenings at the office where I'd get a Snap from someone at school, raving about how amazing a house party was. I'd stroll through Instagram, see smiling familiar faces, and wonder why I wasn't having as much fun as they were. Even Facebook gave me a bit of FOMO, the number of times I'd be invited to an event just to realize it was in a different country.
I've since moved past that, but a big part of that shift in mindset was understanding what matters most to me. People, activities, things that I genuinely enjoy and don't just do for the sake of doing them. For once in my life, there was no real 'norm' of what I should be doing, no obligations to social events, or similar lifestyles that I could relate to.
The role of mobile
So how does this involve mobile? I started to notice and question some trends in my behaviour. For example, I'm guilty of taking Insta stories of food, cool events I'm at, and even the periodic post with a relatively witty caption. The question I couldn't answer to that, is why do I do it?
It's a known fact that humans enjoy social validation. A lot of the things we do, and talk about, make us feel better about ourselves when someone notices and comments. Social media makes it even easier to get this, since it takes little effort to pull out your phone, grab a photo, and throw together a caption to share with your XXX followers/friends.
I'm a little ashamed to say it, but it's hard for me to do something I genuinely enjoy — whether that's eating good food, working out, etc — without feeling the need to share it online. This is a little frightening, because it really made me question why I did those things in the first place; was it for the activity itself, or the validation I got from sharing it?
The other aspect to social media that has recently unnerved me is the idea of connectivity. I used to find it absurd when people would "quit" social media for a defined period of time, leaving their phone number if you really needed to get in touch. Now I do see the allure: who really wants to talk to you?
Sure, it's easy to be swiping through hundreds of Insta stories and send a message to someone about something they're doing, or comment on a post while you're aimlessly scrolling through Facebook, but what level of connectivity does that really show?
For me, I thought more about who I really enjoy spending time with. Who would I message out of the blue, feel like something's missing if I haven't chatted with them in a while, or reach out to for advice and consolation for things happening in my life? Out of 3,500 friends on Facebook, is it optimistic to say 50 people fit that bill?
It's a goal for me this year to start making meaningful relationships with people I care about. Talking on a regular basis, reaching out when I'm feeling off, and spending time with them when I can. I think that only happens when I limit other interactions, only doing things that I know I'll find satisfaction, happiness, and energy from. This led me to try an experiment that I hypothesize will help me get closer to that goal.
Trying something new
Like any habit, it's hard to kick right off the bat. So my initial challenge was to delete the majority of social apps off my phone — Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, etc. I left Messenger on there as a communication tool, but after a few days, the results are already noticeable.
I don't feel like I'm missing out on as much as I was before. Sure, it does make bathroom breaks a little boring, but if I'm having eventful bathroom breaks, there's probably a bigger issue there...
I also have less of an urge to check my phone. It's helping me be more focused when I'm at work, and actually be engaged in tasks or activities I'm doing, i.e. school work, watching a video, or even writing this post!
As a closing note, I don't think social media is a bad thing. I don't plan on deleting Facebook or other mediums anytime soon, but I hope that this break from mobile apps will help me focus more on myself, personal development, and doing things I'm passionate about. I also imagine I'll feel less of the FOMO I used to, and that will help me be more present in the things I'm doing.
Have any of you tried leaving social media, or some variation of it? I'd love to hear what works for you, and what else I can try.